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Squirrels must die

May 13, 2011

Yesterday on my way home from school I stopped and picked up the last of my vegetable plants from a little market stand. I was so excited to have them in the garden that I quickly changed and rushed out side to plant them. I laid each plant out lovingly making sure to put the taller ones on the south side of the garden (and figuring out which side was the south side…). I carefully turned over the soil and placed each plant: tomatoes, peppers, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and cucumbers. It was a beautiful sight when I was done. A perfect, adorable little box with strong, healthy sprouts full of promise and potential. I pictured myself in a few months filling baskets with the fruits of my labor, making delicious dinners with fresh bounty from my backyard, canning tomatoes for sauces and stews. How happy and full of anticipation I was… and so naive.

Today I woke up, peeked outside to gaze again on my little patch of heaven, everything looked in order. When Timmy went to work I went out to do my morning watering only to discover that no less than 4 plants had been eaten. I was furious. I heard a rustling and turned to see a squirrel hopping away with the entire root of one of my broccoli plants. I did my best to replant what was left, salvage the roots and hopefully save the lives of these precious little beauties. Then I went inside and google searched how to keep squirrels out of my garden.

We are going to the mattresses now, squirrels. This is war. Since I don’t have the car today I can’t go get fencing, but I found a method that, if it works might be more satisfying: Cayanne Pepper spray. Allegedly it will not effect my plants, but it will “make them less desirable” for the squirrels. As I sit here now, watching out the window, vigilant in case this method doesn’t really work, I am imagining what will happen to these squirrels. I can picture their tiny squirrel mouths going in for a tasty treat and then contorting in pain as they discover that that treat has caused a powerful, awful burning that won’t go away. Go ahead squirrel, try to soothe your tiny tongue with a sip of cool, refreshing water from the bird bath, I’ve left you a little surprise there too. What’s that birds? Bunnies? You thought you’d try a little nibble? Not today, my friends, not today. Today justice comes swift on the wings of my spicy amigo from the south. Today, I reclaim this garden.

My garden today... Looks tranquil-- battle rages, unseen to the passers by. If only I had one of those flip cameras I could make a movie about this historic event...

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Ann Marie permalink
    August 2, 2011 10:46 pm

    Too funny, Melissa!

  2. Mary Kay permalink
    February 29, 2012 5:36 pm

    I just reread this ( and pinned) it. I am laughing myself silly for the umpteenth time! Love, love this post.
    I wish it had more chapters.
    MK

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